Times of Change

For the past several weeks, things have been changing... First of all I felt like all was looking well... until the swelling went into overdrive! My hips swelled up below my incision line and it looks like I have SEVERE saddle bags that I never had before. I talked with my Dr. and he said that swelling drops with gravity, and that it will take MONTH for the swelling to go down. I knew this... but it was still disheartening to hear. I thought since everything looked so smooth, I was in the clear... the swelling was so bad that I was unable to get my fat pants up past my knees! Some of that swelling has reduced, and I was able to get on pants that I wore prior to my surgery... but the pants are too big in the waist and tight in the thighs, so they were falling off my butt, however staying up with my thighs... so I found some "mom" Jeans and they were smaller in the waist so they don't gap, and they seemed to be a good fit! I was super excited to wear them, but by the end of the day, my thighs were so swollen that it was hard to take the jeans off! lol... so yet again, I am wearing dresses... I don't mind. I have always wanted to dress cute... I just had so much in the way for my clothes to fit comfortably, that I am grateful that it is just swelling right now...
As for everything else, I was released to go to the gym now, and I made the most of it! I went to Zumba for an hour! I was so happy, I almost started crying! I was jumping up and down and my stomach wasn't jumping after me 10 seconds later! I was doing Yoga tonight (much harder, since it uses abs) but my tummy was not lying on the floor while I was in a plank position.  I am so happy to trade the little pain and nuisance of what I am going through, for the positive changes that I have in my body. 
I find that every day, I have something that excites me with my new look, and new body.
 The areas that seemed to take forever to close, have finally closed.  I had a revision on my breast reduction, and I forgot that it would swell, and I was trying on a dress that I KNEW was a bit big in the bust area PRIOR to my surgery, and now it was too tight! I feel like my boobs EXPLODED! lol
I have to remember that all this shall pass... I have tried going shopping, but it is almost depressing, but I am just trying to be patient.

Keep posted...Peace and love!

Good things are coming..

Well, my surgeon had me come in with all the redness and draining.  The area surrounding my sutures near my hip bone, was red and very swollen.  He drained the area and put me on antibiotics as a precaution.  He said that extra fluid just found its way out of my body better to get it all out, then to have it accumulating under the skin, and causing an infection or worse. The area was so full and tight, that I could barely walk.  The area continued to drain after he drained it, but now I am able to walk with no more pain, and the redness is starting to go away.

On another note, I had cramps that almost made me pass out. In researching it, I found out that this is rather common in post op body lift/ tummy tuck patients. This was the worst pain that I have ever experienced, in my LIFE! I have had two (rather large) babies, with no pain meds, not even Tylenol, and this far surpassed that pain!  I was sweating, felt like I was going to pass out, and throw up, all at the same time. after about 1/2 hour,  the pain was finally subsiding. It literally knocked me on my ass.  I slept for over an hour.  I am not looking forward the the next few months. I think it is important to bring this up, simply because I had no idea about this... maybe I could have been prepared for it. I have no use for birth control, but I would get on some form if I thought it may help.

I am still fatigued, and going back to work is going to be a challenge, but I have no choice. I know that it will take time to fully get my full strength back, but I am happy. for the first time since I was maybe 18 my stomach is smaller than my boobs! it feels so strange to look in the mirror still. I feel like it is someone else's body that I am looking at.

I hope that you continue following my journey.

Peace and Love.

Post Op: Week five ... TOTAL FRUSTRATION!

It is week 5...FIVE, and I have done well with taking showers and being independent. THEN, I had what I feel is the ultimate betrayal from my body. One day, while taking a shower, a scab that I had  over my right hip area,fell off, which was fine, but then the area started draining a clear fluid. I started getting these low grade fevers. then the area turned red, the same area that was red after surgery. I contacted my Dr. right away who started me on Antibiotics, but I am really stressed. Today, it looks like the incision line will just open at any moment and the area is red in a larger area than yesterday!  I have been airing the area out, but I am so frustrated. I could just CRY! I thought that I was in the home stretch! I am so scared that I will have distortion of the skin or have to have the area packed, and worse have a staph infection! So many worries, and nothing that I can do but sit and wait for something to happen... for the better I hope! The area is very tender, and I can not move as well on that side. This is very upsetting. I can't help that feeling of defeat. I keep praying, and praying. trying not to cry. My husband has calmed me down, and my doctor has called me, and assured me that everything should be fine. I will be keeping in touch with him.
I was supposed to start a job next week, I am not sure what will happen now...

So Frustrated right now.

Peace and love. 

Post Op: 3 & 4 weeks

So now I am at 3 weeks post op I am feeling better with each passing day. I have been walking at the mall (it gives me the chance to sit down if I get tired). I have been resting as well.  Walking has done wonders for my mobility. It seems as though over night I was able to start getting myself up from a laying position, and bending down to pick things up. This is the first steps to my full independence.
3 weeks Post Op I saw my surgeon, and all is well. He took out the last drainage tube and the remaining stitches, and that feels so much better. The discomfort of feeling the tube under the skin is unreal.  The area where the vertical and horizontal incisions meet still has a small hole, but it is closing slowly.  I am able to do more, but there are still things that I have yet to be able to do... like putting on socks or shoes. 
Since getting the last stubborn drain out, I am now able to take a shower. Up until now, I have been getting bird baths, and going to the salon to get my hair washed. I was so nervous. I didn't want to have anything go wrong.  But everything was fine.

Week 4: I have so much better of an outlook, I can see the swelling going down, I can see the results. I am ready to move on to my fully functioning, THINNER life... I wont say skinny.... I don't see myself as skinny... but a thinner version of myself.
Each day, I have better range of motion, and am more active.  I tried on a pair of pants that I was able to wear before my surgery, but I realized that as much swelling that has gone down,  I still have a lot in my thighs. I could barely get the pants up past my knees. It was a very deflating feeling, but I just have to remember that I have a ways to go with the swelling, so for now it is sun dresses and yoga pants.
  I am able to get my self dressed so that I a good thing. My husband has been great if I need him, but I am trying to be independent because I know that it is only a short time before he goes back to work.

I know that I have a ways to go... keep following my story!
Peace and love!

Days 10-14

Days 10-14:
 These days are more of the same. Healing every day. I had a long drive home. It is just under 2 hours from TJ to my home. I took pain killers for the ride. I pretty much slept the whole way home. When I got home, I was tired and pretty much slept for the first 2 days home.  I still had the feeling like my guts were going to fall out without my band on. I was monitoring how much drainage was coming from my tubes. Getting up out of my bed is difficult. I don't have an electric hospital bed, but my husband has been wonderful with helping my get in and out of bed (both naps and in the middle of the night) I have been walking around my home, and I even ventured out to the hair salon to get my hair washed. On Sunday, I went to church with my family. Another day, I accompanied my husband to the Market. These little outings really knocked me on my butt. I would come home and be exhausted! Each day I felt stronger though. Getting up from sitting, or laying down too long, I feel like I was 80. I had to take a few steps before I was able to get going.  It is really hard laying on your back, and not really being able to turn, or sleep really comfortably.
 I feel much better being at home. I feel like I am more relaxed. I am able to see my kids and husband, and that was calming for me. My kids are older and don't need me for the day-to-day stuff, but they still like to come talk to me about stuff going on in their lives. That gives me comfort as well as encouragement to get well quickly.
 Some things that I quickly realized;
1) I would not have been able to do this without the help of a VERY supportive husband and family.
2) I would not have been able to have all this done if I had small children.
3) I would have made a bunch of pre-made meals for the freezer for the time that I was away. Even
though I have taught my family how to make things, they seemed helpless without me there. Once I was home, I was able to be mommy-from-the-sidelines. I was able to guide them, and not let them give up and eat out. 
4) I wish I would have gotten a grasper-thingy. Those "arm-extenders" to pick things up off the floor so that I would not have to rely on someone to pick up my chapstick, or sock, etc.

well, that is pretty much it right now. I am still getting better and stronger daily. Excited to see the results, but right now I still am in disbelief and still pretty swollen.

Continue to follow me on my journey!

Post Surgery: DAYS 5-9

Days 5-9
 All the days were pretty much the same. Just getting up, walking around, napping often, and eating healthy. I still had the pain in my groin from where the drainage tube seemed to rub against a nerve. I got to talk/see my family a few times a day with FaceTime, and that kept me pretty sane. Even when I looked terrible from not having my hair washed (I used dry shampoo) or was just waking up from a nap, my husband always told me how beautiful I look. I don't think that you realize how much something so simple can do for the soul. 
 I researched A LOT before my surgery. I found out from Surgeons, people who have gone through this surgery, and just research in general (I am a nerd like that), and one common thread was taking a probiotic to help with constipation. You WILL get it. With surgery, pain meds, and not moving enough... it is inevitable.  I took my probiotics, along with stool softeners (especially because I am taking a lot of iron) and vitamin B, folic acid, and I discovered Bromeline (it is a pineapple extract -natural) it helps to eliminate swelling, This has been a great discovery. especially if you eat something a bit on the salty side, then you feel it in your stitches... not fun!
 Some things that I was unable to do... put socks or shoes on, reach something that was dropped, sleep on my stomach or side.
  Walking has gotten easier, Standing up straight took a few minutes for my body to relax. I pretty much stayed in an under shirt (under the band that helps keep everything tight) and granny panties. It was the easiest thing to stay in, because it going to the bathroom is a pain, and having drainage tubes to juggle... it was just a pain. Once you got dressed (I had PJs) I wanted to lay down but having something around the waist was kind of irritating to the skin, then because of the bed and meds, you would sweat... it was just a hassle. I had a robe that I used when walking around in the lobby/ dining area.  Other than that, I kept it simple.
  By the 9th day, I was good to go home. I still has tubes, but since I was getting more mobile, it was cumbersome, as if having all this surgery wasn't bad enough, you have "balls" (drainage tubes)!
Some funny things happened within those first few days... First thing that happened, was I was feeling something hard under my skin. It was sensitive, but VERY hard!  I was worried that something was wrong, and was just about to call the nurse to call the Dr... then I realized that it was also on the other side as well... It was my HIP BONE! I haven't felt that since I was probably 17!! I think the drugs did it to me...lol.
  Another thing that happened, I was standing in the Dining room, talking to someone, and I was waiting for my husband to come pick me up, and he walked by, and I thought "where is he going?" and I continued to speak with the other guest, then my husband recognized my voice, and turned around... HE DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME!  That may have been the best feeling in the world!!

Stay tuned for the days following...
Peace and love.

Post surgery: DAYS 1-4

Well is has been a few weeks, and I have had my surgery, so I will tell you how things have been going.

Before Surgery

Before Surgery

Day of surgery: I was not nervous, but anxious... I think it was more of the unknown more than anything. I knew WHAT would happen in surgery,  but now really how I would feel afterwards, or what the recovery would REALLY be like. I was ready though. I was taken back to surgery and started an IV, and given a "happy pill" to take the edge off.  I was instructed to take off my gown, and was washed down with betadine from neck to mid-thigh, front and back. The Anesthesiologist injected something into my IV, and I was instructed to lay on my side on the operating table so that the Anesthesiologist could inject the spinal block. That was pretty much the last thing that I remember. I was told later that another Dr came in and spoke to me- and apparently I had a full conversation with him, but I have NO recollection of that conversation!!! lol! 6 Hours later, I was out of surgery, and 22 lbs of skin- GONE! I vaguely remember my hubs in the window where they let spouses come check without contaminating the surgical area. but then I was out again.

Day 1: The first night after my surgery, I had a catheter, so I did not need to get up, but very early the next morning, it was taken out, and I needed to get up to go to the bathroom. Getting up was not painful, because I was still pretty doped up, anesthesia is running through your body, usually for about 3 days, and I had a spinal block, so basically anything below the waist was pretty numb. I was pretty hunched over as I walked, but it wasn't bad. However, once I started back to my bed, I told the nurse that I felt flushed and like I could not breath, she had me sit back on the toilet, and I basically blacked out. I came to, as the nurse was putting cool water an my head and face, and (with assistance) had gotten back to bed, but I do not remember it. Later in the morning, I remember seeing my husband, and was more awake. I guess I was pretty pale - almost the color or my white sheets that I was laying on. The Dr wanted to check some labs before he released me to the recovery boutique to begin the healing journey. The labs were good, so I was transferred.  My Dr was still concerned, so he was getting reports every few hours. Once in my room, I was in and out of sleep. The Recovery Boutique is like a hotel, but with a hospital bed, hospital table, 24 hour nursing care, and food prepared and brought to you. I called the nurses to help me out of bed to the bathroom. I had drain tubes that went around my body, on both sides of my hips, and one seemed to always hit a nerve whenever I would move. It was painful. Not gonna lie. It would feel like my whole body would seize up and I could not go pee! Pain pills were given religiously, no need to suffer at all, it would only make you feel worse.

Day 2-4: The first few days, it was to the bathroom and back, and sleeping, and having my meals in bed. But I was feeling more awake and ready to move. After the passing out episode, my Dr did not want me walking around, especially alone, so I was in bed regaining some strength. I purchased some TED hose (the white compression tights that go to the knees), so I would prevent a blood clot. In hind site, it was good because I was in bed for a few days. I had my e-reader, phone, and TV. I was not too bored.  I continued to have the issue with the pain in my groin from the nerve that the drain tube was hitting. Another thing that  I was feeling, was when they would clean the wound, It would feel like a tingling sensation. Almost like when your foot falls asleep, and you try to walk on it, it doesn't hurt, but it FEELS like it does.... I hope that makes sense. By day 4, I don't know if it was being alone, or frustration, or all my hormones all out of whack, but I had a mental break down. I just started weeping for no reason. I called my husband, who reassured me that this is only temporary, and the results so far, look fantastic.  I had some tea, and took a pain pill and slept. When I woke up, I felt much better. The Nurses are good about asking how you are doing... not just physically, but mentally.  I was moving around better, and getting up and walking around the lobby. some discomfort, but I think that the pain meds kept things at bay, which was fine by me!! Getting up and moving, and out of my room, being social, and eating better, made me feel much better. I knew that I would be on the road to recovery now.  It is hard to let people assist you. I am the wife, and mother... the caregiver, the "fixer" of all... not the one who is needing to be taken care of.  It is just a hard thing to grasp.
In the hospital, the beds are not really comfortable, So I would take the pain pill at night. It makes for a long day, when you don't sleep well at night. Other than that, I was at 1-2 pain pills, max, in a 24 hr period. One thing I noticed, was being in one position for too long, then getting up, I was hunched over like an 80 yr old woman! But once I got moving, things relax, and I was able to stand straight up.

Well, stay tuned for the next few days!
Peace and love.

IT'S HERE!!!

  I'm finally here on the eve of my surgery, and I am beside myself!!  Tomorrow is the day! YAY!!!
I am so nervous, and scared, and excited... I know that it will all work out, but it is still a bit over whelming. I have friends who have had the same surgery, with the same Dr. and they are simply stunning now!!  I have been praying, and having friends and love ones praying for me. I know that I will be happy with the results, and I also know that I have a long road ahead of me, but I am ready for this challenge. I am trying to just relax right now, but thankfully the Dr. gave me a pill that will help to relax me tonight. I have been pacing, and antsy as well as edgy... I think that a big factor in my stress is that fact that my surgery has been pushed aback for almost 2 months now!
   For the last 3 days, I have been washing with betadine (which is some stinky stuff, and stains things).  I have still been taking my vitamins... like 12 pills a day. Makes me feel like gagging, just thinking about it.  A few days ago, I had to go get my "downstairs lady friend" waxed (in the area that will be near surgical areas)... I think I was more nervous about that than the surgery itself!! lol I was SWEATING, and I even put my shirt on BACKWARDS! lol... I was fortunate that the girl who performed the waxing was the sweetest thing, and just kept me talking and calmed my fears... with all my "fluff" I was totally mortified to have to go have this done, but once it was over, I was more comfortable with the whole idea of waxing. Today, Dr. Quiroz went over what he plans on doing during the surgery. It felt like this day would never get here! He put some markings so on my body, so I could see what parts will be removed, but I don't know that I will be totally prepared for what will happen... I mean, I know WHAT will happen, I just not sure that my brain is totally wrapped around this whole thing... if that makes sense...
 I have to have positive energy, positive thoughts, and know that I am so blessed with many prayers.

 Well, I will keep updating as I go along, so stay tuned.

HOME STRETCH!!

   Well, I FINALLY am cleared to have surgery! My labs have come up and I am scheduled for surgery on March 5!! I have my pre-op on March 4th, with a final lab, just to make sure that all is still ok, but I am planning on having surgery... I have felt so much stress with the experience this time around... I should say anxiety, not entirely stress.... I have lost about 130 lbs... I should be happy, right? I don't feel like that right now. I feel like I have failed. I feel like I should have been a better role model... making better and healthier choices for my family... Showing that exercise is important.
I have certainly changed my eating habits, and the foods that I make... But these are healthy habits I wish that I had instilled in my family long ago. But there is nothing that I can do no, only to move forward.
  I now buy healthy food, cook as cleanly as possible, and exercise. I now encourage my family to work out and eat clean.
   I want my kids to see how hard it is, to know how hard I have worked to get to where I am today.  They have had to see me struggle. Now it is time for them to see me succeed. It is time for them to see a happy mommy. I happy with myself.. But I know that when I look at myself naked in the mirror, that this is not how things should look, so I'm taking matters into my own hands... so to speak. Surgery.   Now, surgery is not for everyone... but NOT having surgery is not an option for me.  I have mentally prepared myself for having scars. It is a trade off really. Instead of trying to fit into clothes and hid all this skin, I am going to have scars. I am okay with that. I look at them as battle wounds. Memories of a past life.
   There is no escaping the obvious imperfections in my life, in my body.  I am standing on the edge of a supreme sacrifice. I  have had surgical starvation. I will have a butchered body, but a sutured soul.  It is a complicated war, but one that I plan to win.
    I am trying not to think about anything right now. I have been busy around my house, crafting, cleaning, sewing, etc... anything not to think about the next few days. It felt like this time would never come! I am a little scared, a nervous, and super excited! 
I just hope that time passes quickly.
  Please continue to join me in my journey.

Peace and love.

the frustration never ceases....

  Well, It has been a few weeks now, and my labs are within "normal" range, which is fantastic, but just barely. I need to be on the higher end of the scale, since this is a major surgery. I will be going for another test this week, and IF things go well, I could be in surgery by the following week.. or the very latest, by the end of the month.
This journey has been very trying, to say the least. I have had dreams/nightmares about the doctor telling me that I have gained weight, and he will no longer work on me, or something else going wrong... I have been trying to not think of this, but with not working, and this whole thing being dragged out, it is hard NOT to think about anything... I think what I am trying not to think about is being expressed in my dreams.Which in turn, causes lack of sleep, and fatigue.
    I feel like someone has hit the PAUSE button on my life. I can't really do any shopping, because my size will be changing.  So going out with girlfriends to the mall is not really enjoyable. I don't really feel like going out with friends right now for fear of gaining any more weight, so dinner or coffee dates are out. I have been spending a lot of time reading, and going to yoga, as well as doing some "nesting" (home improvements).  I have been trying to get to working out more, but I hurt my neck a few months back and it has been difficult to run and work out hard. That, in combination with my Iron levels being dangerously low, has making working out nearly impossible. All I have wanted to do was sleep. I feel like now it is even MORE imperative that I work out since I don't have any restriction with my band (my Dr. removed all the fluid for the surgery, but he also did it to help gain more iron in my diet).  The last few weeks have been MUCH improved however, since I have been on iron for nearly a month.
  In my head, I know that this is for my own safety, but it is beyond frustrating. I can't really look for a new job until this is all behind me, and honestly I should have been a few weeks post-op at this point, but with all that has happened, health-wise, I am not where I wanted to be.
    I sometimes wonder if people think my having surgery is a vanity thing, but it really isn't. I DO want to look better in my clothes, but the fact is, I can't do a lot of the things that I would like to... for example,  when I do yoga, my belly inhibits me from bending over all the way... when I am running, I have to have wear this tight girdle-thingy, so that my back doesn't hurt too bad afterwards, and there is not as much, "wobbling and jiggling"...When I go to an amusement park,  things are a little tighter around the belly area, since it all bunches up when I sit. It is almost like I am wearing an inner tube around my waist, to give you an idea of how it feels. I don't even dare wear a bathing suit without a pair of shorts on, or a sarong.... when I go hiking, it is harder to climb since I have extra skin weight, as well as my belly being in the way... same thing with riding my bike. I feel like I have to ride with my legs open wider to accommodate for my belly...
  I feel so self conscience about the damage that I have cause my own body.  I just want to be in a place, physically, that will allow me to enjoy all these things.  I know that I have done the damage to myself, and now I will have to pay that price.  I hope that my kids can see this, and try to make that change before they have to suffer like I have. People tend to judge you from what's on the outside, and not what kind of person you are on the inside... For the last 7 years, I have bought better food, I make most meals at home, and I try to exercise... but I cannot control the choices that my kids make when they are away from home. I just hope that I have set a good enough example for them.
   On a positive note, I AM almost to a point where my surgery is nearly here! I have a bit of anxiety, with a bit of the unknown, like how much will it hurt, how long will the recovery actually take, what will it feel like (tightness), will I really be a smaller size, will clothes fit better, etc, but I know that everything will work out fine.  I have been praying about this for a long time, giving all my worries to God... but I am having a hard time not taking the worries back.
   Last year was very stressful, but I hope that this year will be better... mentally, physically, and spiritually.